Birr al-walidayn — goodness and kindness to parents — occupies a unique place in Islam. Allah Most High placed the duty of honouring parents immediately after the command to worship Him alone, not as an afterthought but as the second greatest obligation after tawhid.

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to parents. If either or both of them reach old age in your care, do not say to them even 'uff', nor repel them, but speak to them with noble words.

Surah Al-Isra 17:23

The word uff in the above verse is the smallest conceivable expression of irritation. If even that is forbidden, the verse sets an extraordinarily high standard of patience and gentleness. The following verse adds: "Lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: My Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small." (Al-Isra 17:24)

The Prophet's ﷺ Ranking of Parents

A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and asked who was most deserving of his good companionship. The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man asked again. The Prophet said, "Your mother." A third time, he again said, "Your mother." Only on the fourth did he say, "Your father." (Bukhari, Muslim)

This does not diminish the father's right — the Quran couples both parents throughout — but it highlights how the mother's physical sacrifices in carrying, bearing and nursing a child earn her a special weight in this ranking.

What Birr al-Walidayn Looks Like in Practice

Scholars explain that birr is broader than obedience. It includes all forms of goodness and kindness directed at one's parents: financially supporting them, speaking gently, visiting them, listening to them, and protecting their dignity in front of others.

  • Speak gently and respectfully — never raise your voice or answer curtly, even when you disagree.
  • Prioritise their needs — visit them regularly and respond promptly when they call.
  • Support them financially when they are in need, before optional charity to others.
  • Honour their memory and relationships — keep ties with their friends and relatives as an extension of kindness to them.
  • Make du'a for them — recite the du'a of Al-Isra 17:24 regularly: Rabbir hamhuma kama rabbayani saghira.

What About Non-Muslim Parents?

Birr al-walidayn extends to parents of other faiths. Asma bint Abi Bakr (RA) asked the Prophet ﷺ whether she could maintain ties with her mother, who was a polytheist and had come to visit. He said yes: "Maintain ties with your mother." (Bukhari, Muslim) The believer fulfils the rights of parents in all worldly matters. Obedience in what is clearly sinful is not required — but that is a narrow exception, not a licence to neglect them.

Serving Parents After They Pass Away

A man asked the Prophet ﷺ whether there was anything left he could do for his deceased parents. The Prophet said yes: pray for them, seek forgiveness for them, fulfil their outstanding promises, honour their relationships, and give charity on their behalf. (Abu Dawud) This is one of the lasting forms of sadaqah jariyah — a deed whose reward continues after death. The du'a of the righteous child is one of the three things that benefit a person after they pass.

Common Questions

🤍
Is birr obligatory or recommended?
The Quran commands it in the same verse as worship of Allah, making the basic duty obligatory. Scholars agree that obeying parents in permissible matters and treating them well is a religious obligation, not merely a virtue.
🏠
What if they are difficult or abusive?
You are not required to submit to abuse or to obey in what is sinful. But even then, scholars say you should still not respond with harshness, and should try to remain in the relationship as much as you safely can.
🤲
Can I make du'a for deceased non-Muslim parents?
The scholarly consensus is that Muslims may not pray for the forgiveness of those who died upon disbelief, based on Surah At-Tawbah 9:113. However, one can make du'a for their other needs before death, and maintain their relationships after.
📿
Which acts benefit my parents after death?
Du'a for them, charitable giving on their behalf, completing their outstanding promises, and honouring their close relationships and friends. These are all confirmed in authentic hadith.

The adab of speaking well and making du'a are inseparable from birr. To deepen your supplication practice, see our guide on the adab of making du'a.

Strengthen Your Connection to Your Deen with DeenPal

Get reminders, du'a collections and guidance for every Islamic practice, including du'as for your parents, in one free app.

Download DeenPal Free